18 Sep Rebuke-Tshuvah; Before you say something you might regret later…
We ought not ever tell someone that they are’ too sensitive’ or ‘too anything’. To do so may be to cause a person to feel discounted… and we could be wrong.
The purpose of correcting someone is to help them be better and make for better relationships. If its done at all, it must be done with the greatest of care.
If we want to help someone be a better person we must ‘bring them close’… get to know them. We must learn to deal with each other with loving kindness and compassion. One who may give rebuke-tochacha (criticism, correction) must first become nullified-bitul, he has divested of his ego. He must ensure that by giving rebuke there is no benefit to himself. He must also ‘know’ that the person recieving rebuke is willing to recieve it. Givning rebuke in an appropriate way is extremely difficult. In fact many Great Rabbis agree that (especially in modern times) that we lack the sensitivity to properly rebuke someone and therefore it should not be done. (This does not apply when there is matters of life or death.)
We need to keep in mind that we can’t expect someone to change just because ‘we’ think they should. To make change someone has to have some desire to change. Then the process of peeling back the layers (klipot) of impurity can begin . This is sometimes referred to as ‘circumcising of the heart’, creating a ‘void’. By creating a void, by ‘taking something away’ like ; grief , anger, hate, hurt, drugs, arrogance or any issues of sensitivity. It is an important consideration that there is some remedy to fill the void that has been created with goodness.
Whenever we take something away, a void is created and needs to be filled with goodness.
According to Jewish Wisdom, there are many fine points to know before correcting/rebuking someone. If done incorrectly, we can cause a person a great amount of pain.
There are a significant and alarming number of people today with various types of Mental – Emotional issues, Anxiety Disorders (which triggers a myriad of issues) or other disorders in various stages of function or dysfunction such as ; OCD, Bi polar disorder, Depression, PTSD, Anxiety Disorder, Tourettes, ADD/ADHD, and Aspergers may go unnoticed because the may not be severe. They may be currently well managed or ‘tolerated’ by individuals . However where there are those whos lives have become unmanageable and have remained un-diagnosed and un-treated. The turning of a blind eye is not the answer and ignoring it is not a kindness. There is help.
Many people may be unaware that these issues fall within the spectrum of Autism. The blessing of many of these individuals is that they may posses great and unique gifts to reveal hidden sparks of Holiness for themselves and others.
These individuals can live a well balanced healthy life and you may never be aware of their challenges. However they, like anyone one else are sensitive human beings that may have a low threshold of getting hurt. A difference of this group of individuals is that they may not recover from being hurt as easily or as quickly as others. They may spiral into a ‘relapse’ that may cause a myriad of issues; a disconnect from a healthy reality or even death.
It is my opinion ( and other practitioners ) that the overall Mental Health statistic that 20% of the total population in Canada, or 1 in 5 people have a mental health issues is conservative (CAMH). The number of individuals with depression as reported is 30% or about 1 in 3. It is my experience (as is other practitioners) that this number is low and may not take into consideration all types of depression such as low level depression (dysthymia-melancholy). People with low level depression may live their whole life having become accustomed to living in a deficient state never realizing there is a better way to live. This type of depression can be difficult to detect. There are those of the opinion that a more realistic number of individual with some forms of depression may be twice the number quoted, closer to 60% (or 6 in 10).
Many of this extended group of low level depression individuals may ‘fly under the radar’ perhaps for their whole life unless they somehow come to experience discomfort, or become aware that something is not right in their lives, and seed to make change accordingly. The tragedy of this last and largest ‘marginal’ group that live with more subtle effects of dysfunction is that they have come accustom to life without ‘authentic’ joy and believe this is ‘normal’. This is also a group that is prone to addiction.
In the most conservative scenario, do any of us really know which person is the 20- 60% of the population that may have some degree of an issue? Perhaps given the potential consequences of causing harm, we ought to use the lowest -and- greatest common denominator when we interact with each other…. ‘Loving Kindness and Compassion’.
This is not a complete review of these topics.
Leib Getzel (Lawrence) Lax
Addictions and Counseling (Honours)
www.lawrencelax.com